Making Amends in Recovery
Making amends is a core part of Steps 8 and 9 in recovery. It means acknowledging harm you caused, making things right where possible, and changing how you show up, not chasing forgiveness.
What Does Making Amends Mean?
Amends:
- Acknowledging harm caused
- Making things right where possible
- Part of Steps 8 and 9
- Not about getting forgiveness
Why Does Making Amends Matter?
- Heals relationships (yours and theirs)
- Part of recovery
- Releases shame
- Shows change
How Do You Work Step 8?
Make a list of:
- People harmed
- Nature of harm
- Whether you're ready to make amends
How Do You Work Step 9?
Direct amends where possible:
- Ask if they'll meet
- Acknowledge what you did
- Apologize
- Ask what would help
- Don't expect forgiveness
When Should You Not Make Amends?
Some amends aren't yours to make right now:
- Could cause more harm
- Person doesn't want contact
- Legal consequences
- Not yet ready
What Are Living Amends?
Some amends are ongoing. They look like this:
- Being a different person
- Changed behavior
- Better father/mother/partner/friend
How Do You Get Started?
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Step 8: Make your complete list.
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Discuss with your sponsor. Plan your approach.
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Start with the easiest. Build confidence.
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Be honest. Acknowledge the harm.
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Accept the outcome. You won't always get forgiveness.
Making amends is part of recovery.
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